A lovely night in with my girlfriend - that's all I wanted! But no. After an evening of Sir William Farrell, Mezzers Clarkson, Hammond and May, I truly believed all was well with the world.

I left said house at 8:30 the following morning. To my surprise, two packets of cling film had been deposited in the porch. I checked my surroundings, eyes struggling to focus in the morning sun. Nothing. This was a bad sign.

While I slept soundly my house mates and friends had developed a cunning plan. It was brilliantly executed. As you will see to above, my beautiful (Perhaps average is a more accurate description?) old mini was wrapped in at least 300m of cling film.