You know when you’ve had too many end-of-the-night takeaways when kebab shop owners recognise you in the street. Previously I have been recognised and thus been given the universal nod of the head by these nocturnal creatures (which was bad enough), but now they are taking it to a whole new level. They are no longer discreet about knowing your, let’s face it, gross cravings for what’s supposedly “meat”, but they now seem to deem it necessary to wave and even beep their horns, yes beep their horns whilst they’re driving past you.

My first experience was at the end of last year when I was spotted by Ali and Yolanda from Ali Burger, Wessex Lane Halls, while in town. By myself, it was only mildly embarrassing when they commented that they hadn’t seen me in a week and questioned whether I was OK.

A few months on though my face was a whole lot redder when the guy from chick’o’land beeped his horn at me and proceeded to wave like a loony, refusing to give up until I had acknowledged him in some way. It was the middle of the day. On Portswood high street. I was with my then boyfriend. He was, to be frank, disgusted. As a result I feel I have no choice now but to go in disguise whenever I have these early morning unattractive cravings. Consequently I now have several pairs of oversized dark glasses, way more hats than I could ever possibly wear and a plastic moustache and all so that I don’t walk the streets in fear of being identified by those that have seen me trollied the night before.